Charisma

Lately I was thinking about the concept of Charisma. The Greek meaning of the word is god present. And I think a charismatic person truly feels a bit like a god.Which may explain why everyone goes to him as drawn by the sun, or to very strong light source.We are all lit up by the light of the cosmus. We absorb and emit energy. But most people have doubts, fears.Their energies are divided between other people. They give some of themselves to others. And when we are near them, we feel them as people.
I think a charismatic person is different. He doesn't divide his energy, he mostly keeps it to himself. The reason of being like that is that he has no doubts, or that he does not pay attention to these doubts, and he has no concerns or at least not too much. He's sure of his way and his energy is directed to one purpose only.

We recognise that, when we see him.
Our subconscious recognizes his confident voice, the uniformity of his aura and his crack-free energetic cover.

His aura has a lot of energy inside. And it draws us to her as if we stood in front of the original light of creation.
When charisma is particularly strong, then one begins to store energy of his followers. He looks at them following him and it convince him that something is very special in his way and is very true. And while his energy increases, and her aura and her feeling that a person received a gift to. Gift?When a person was gifted with too much charisma, we do not criticize him, and he does not critics himself. He gathers so much energy that he forgets it is not his, and the audience forget the real reason it was attracted to the man so charismatic.

We are drawn to charismatic people because of a mistake. Our nature draws us into the light to be filled with him. A charismatic person makes us attracted to his light for the same reason. An instinct. But his light does not feed us. Instead, we are feeding him.From here to the egoism / narcissism / society follow a leader with closed eyes - it is a small way to follow.
The "gift of God" iis something that belongs to gurus, cult/religious leaders and some tyrans.And somehow - charisma is for men ! I did not hear anyway about Charismatic women. I've heard of women which are leaders, compassionate, empathetic, but not charismatic. Unlike charisma, true leadership is that of a person who knows to listen, advise. True leaders are not charismatic, they are much better - human -  in every sense of the word!
And a discussion of what charisma serves (e.g. the possibility to sweep audiences to war) I'll wait for next time. Hope my insights have made you think!

A pray of the healer

Today I listened and healed a patient for the first time. It was amazing. Serenity and integrity filled me. Quiet of a person who knows his place.
On this occasion I ask you God:
Please help me
Not to fail in the ego, or fear, or laziness,
Allow me to be the healer I wanted to be,
Open for me a path for healing and listening.

Thank you for allowing me to find this amazing destiny.
And for letting me walk in that path.

I hope I please you with my journey!
I hope I will please myself.

Love you
I!

Process

Processes. Hard to realize sometimes that processes take time. Especially when the process involves other people.And especially when it involves strong emotions.First there is great confusion, depression or anger. And a jumble of thoughts that does not allow you to think straight.
If you really want to think you have to give emotions to calm down, and it takes time!Then you should allow insights occur, the body absorb the feelings and brain to remember the sequence of events.Sometimes harsh words are being thrown into the air and hitting it takes a while to recall them, takes more time to stop trying to forget them, worn more time to understand what was said there and what disturbed so the other side or us.
After all this happens, you might as well try to relax, find peace of mind and perhaps even try to think of a solution.At this point there is a resignation.And here. We finished the process. And you can already complete and laugh and have fun again. We finished.
As if ...How do we finish? At this point, remember there's someone else involved. Usually we don't fight with ourselves!And we have no idea where he is in the process, about what he thinks now if he had reached insights. And who knows what kind of insights he arrived? What was he thinking?
If only I had a sophisticated calculator that was saying I know what the other side's position and how he would react when I call it was so much easier.
Start-up!(All my faithful readers - who go on with this development will be richer. I promise not to ask for copyright and be among the first buyers)But I do not have a calculator. Oh Wait, actually I've got something. What was it called?Something that started with  'Int'?Intuition! Yes, yes, you probably heard on this incredible sense. It is really cool :-)
So this week I decided to use it the first time after a painful quarrel. Instead of entering into a pit of painful feelings, I decided to listem to my lovely faithful intuition.

If I understood it correctly, I guess the process is still not completed. And to bridge the gaps and find acceptance, what is right and good, for me and those whom I've quarreled Let's wait some more, until we can build new foundations which will be more solid, so we can bridge gaps and expectations and have a stronger relationship which will make us both happier.
How calming is this confidence that comes from the ability to trust our gut feelings, intuition, of ourselves!How calming is acceptance, the ability to trust the world and myself that lead me to the right place.Perhaps, the calculator will have one customer less

Heart vs. Ratio

Heart Vs. Ratio.

Like two Young Lions who fight for leadership of the next generation, like two rival of battle fields, so are my heart and mind battling in a constant war in which there is no room for losers, a war on my attention with periods of calm and sometimes periods of reconciliation .My heart is trying to show me the light, the beauty, the love. He does it gently, calmly, compassionately.
And the brain? Disparaging the "phlegmatic" competitor who always let sentimental considerations win instead of thinking of my own good.

They pull my strongly, desperately. Pulling so hard in opposite directions and winking to me. You see? my heart says. With this Ratio yo'll never heal, never be able to listen and empathize.With me? Answers the brain. With me she can not? Look where you are leading her. to despair! To the sadness and fear! I will give her a plan, I will give her options. With me she can conquer the world. I'd cut all the things that constrain her and bind her and especially irrational emotional reasons. And my Ratio? He tries to analyze, explain, justify, and plan. And to show me the perfect life that only he can guide me to them.

I listen to both of you. My heart feels sad now and the brain feels awake. But now the carriage rocking her and my two horses pulling in opposite directions. And I? I Try to choose. Heart or brain?. To whom should I listen first? If only I could manage them. Give each one his place. Reassure them that I have room for both of them inside and give each one the time and the evaluation they deserve. If only I could do that I would be in paradise here on earth .And sometimes the heart wins and takes me with him to the realms of emotion, beauty. He reminds me the reason for being alive in this world and remind me what shuld be fought over or just be dreamt on .My heart continues to underestimate the marrow cold, rational, knowing he'll never get me the thrill that only my heart knows to give. Sometimes brain wins and takes me with him to a perfect world where all you need is a plan and an action, a world in which there is no reason to fear and no reason to despair. Both want to be first in my life, trying to push the other toward the end, make him obey, conform.

I am hugging you both, listening, interested. And I thank you. I thank you for your advice and also for the competition. After all, deep within me, I know that this competition is the real reason that helped them sequels try. It is what spurs you and  what keeps me alive.When you stop competing, it might be a signal to turn off the lights and finish the show. So please - continue to compete, and keep doing what you do  so good - give me doubts interest and especially target

Opaque glass wall

For years I was having an affair with the Tarot. I wondered into online forums, asked questions. I even found someone to by me a pack of cards.

As in all spiritual world, even here I have the constant war between the desire and the fear to believe the cards.
Because if I believe them it requires me to do things or it might say I'm wasting my life without doing what I'm supposed to do.

There are 78 tarot cards. Each of them hide a story, each of them has a message for me. They answer clearly and sharply and I submit to the answers.

And still do nothing with them!

For a year or more I have been sure that any minute I would dare. And every time something in me turns off the urge and calms me for a while.
Someday! I say to myself. And something in me laughs. Yes, we know you. As always, you do nothing with the will. As always you bury it deep in the ground.

I know this column sucks, and quite melancholic.
But sometimes I just cannot see the bright side of things.


And the last few days I am angry at myself. Angry with my passivity, angry of my betrayal of my dreams and betrayal of the alternate reality I should be in.

Reality in which I speak, work for myself and realize what needs to be mine.

A world in which I work, create, help and connect to others in a good way. A world of fantasy, fun, beauty.

Not a realistic and depressing world of responsibility, of obligations, and duties. In which the future is dangerous and we should protect ourselves from it.

Both exist in me. The desired world of fantasies along with the fear that reminds me of my responsibility and that there is a chance that my moves are going to drag me and my family down and that there are persons dependent on me and that the coming generations may pay for my haste and recklessness which fit for a romantic frivolity and not to me, a serious, responsible and thoughtful woman.


So who am I?Romantic? Creative? Artist? Healer?
Or perhaps irresponsible girl who needs to remind herself where she forgot her duties and that she should get back on track and the sooner the better?


I think that what I am doing is actually building a high opaque glass wall next to the wealth pool, just before I jump. Opaque glass wall that lets me see there was something there but at the same time allows me to think it was just me hallucinating.
A wall that prevents me from jumping but only because I built it and let me forget that fresh wonderful water is out there and that if I don't jump I will never benefit from their coolness and will never learn to swim.


But I continue to build it, because I had already started, and since the raw materials are here and maybe since it is much more comfortable to build it then to jump into the water?


Will someone stop me? Or maybe give me a hammer?

Craving

Sometimes I think I'm in control. I lead my life, everything depends on me.

 I walk in this world and I am sure I am the chief and that there's nothing actually hidden beyond the daily perception. In these times I feel that all I felt just a day ago was just some wishful thinking, or hormonal imbalances.

This is a good and relaxing feeling that makes me wonder why I needed to look for something else.

And just when I feel this solidity, this ordinary, this confidence that I got to firm ground ... Something wakes up there and built up inside me.

These waves, cycles, confuse me every time. Maybe because I have not managed to crack their pattern, their amplitude and still don't know when I am in the pick and what are the signs of change.


Do you know something? It is FRUSTRATING! And it is tiring.

The worst is the transition between phases. The changes are difficult to me, and are not clear.

Even more difficult for me is that there is no one to advise me in real time. So I stayed to advise myself. And between us - I'm not a very good counselor. The rational part of me just dismiss out of hand the whole story and tells himself it's just something hormonal, and within a day or two I'll be back.

And as the RATIO urging me to reset, something inside me starts to crave.

And this craving is unbearable. It pulls me elsewhere, to places which I can't name. Their name is always on the tip of the tongue, a little over the edge of consciousness, just beyond the ability to define words or thoughts. Places that are hard to catch, and even harder to experience. And as craving rise, sadness and longing start to be felt harder and with them the depression.

Then out of nowhere, out of lack and gloom, I force myself to CREATE. I sit down to write, or dream, or plan, and magic is created!

Out of nowhere, a blog's post is written, or a new idea or an understanding is achieved. And happiness is slowly starting to roll and fill me.

Just then, when I record, at the top of the wave, when I was supposed to enjoy the fruits or just rest on our laurels, Ratio emerges, or it might be the creativity that goes out. So without noticing I'm drawn again into the rational, into the stability.

And again I feel the air, the earth, the sounds and smells of the here and now. And again I wonder why I needed to look for something else. I wonder about myself, about my feelings and what motivates me in life.

Until the next time!



Getting out of the closet

No, I'm not a lesbian.

I may shock you but it seems that you don't have to be gay in order to get out of the cabinet.

Yes! Apparently there could be a locked cabinet somewhere for anyone who does not fit to the society around us.

But why? Why would I build it? Why would I enter? And why after all the hard work people want to leave it. Why?

Perhaps because of the cabinet is safe and well-known and protected, but also dark in there and boring!

Maybe because there is no one who can laugh at us or try to harm us but also there are no friends with whom we can enjoy being as we really are.



It is difficult to keep the real me out there and make it day after day to work, to friends, to the company without it.



The real me is happy, exciting, vital and fun. And it is precisely that I chose to keep inside.

I try to remember the very moment I chose to lock my inner self there, put it in the closet and "blot " the days without him.

I can't recall the very moment, that without a woodworking class I thought I could build a cabinet strong enough to lock me up inside.

Nice cabinet that will keep myself calm enough to stop bother me too. Funny, I'm not the only one!



Apparently, since the dawn of history, people are building cabinets.

I'm sure that even in the ancient cave man era when people still did not know how to speak, they have already learned how important it is to build on.

If you were not like everyone else, there was a danger they throw you into the savanna or in the snow. Alone and without protection.

Alone!

Since then it burned us, our basic consciousness. Warning us it is dangerous to be different; whispering that it could lead to ostracism and painful death.

Therefore, people learned how to build the cabinet to fit. And by that learned to survive!

And as we evolved, our cabinets evolved. We now build stronger cabinets and much more beautiful ones.

Cabinets that allow us to get the right job, to connect with the right people and avoid unpleasantness.

The funny thing is that most of us do not even know that's what we do. We build Invisible closets. So invisible that it takes a private detective to find they were there.

We are confident that we are like everyone else, and disregard

the various, label them as crazy, stupid, freaks.

We connect to the collective ridicule which label us as normal, middle, like everyone else, calm ourselves that everything with our life is fine.

"These strange people should be hospitalized in a mental institute" we say. We live an exemplary life.

I was there. First I scoffed, then doubted, then I envied these 'fools '.

And today? Now I understand I was too long at the cabinet.

If I continue to hold myself there, something in me dies.

So last year, I let him open up, slowly and gradually I let parts of me out.

Let these parts breathe air, give them feel the sun, let my confident grow stronger, and slowly telleveryone who I really am.

How? with small actions. Once I made a comment about the New Age, another time I offered someone in my work healing (succeeded beyond expectations).

I am slowly dropping crumbs everywhere so that one day I'll feel no need to shout loudly, but will calmly and confidently tell my truth.

I have a feeling that when that day comes, I'll probably be surprised that no one else is.